APRIL FOOLS, 2023.
Dog waste has long been a steamy topic in Park City’s trails community. The Mountain Trails crew removes hundreds of pounds of hound poo from Round Valley every week. And that’s just counting the stuff that makes it into waste bins. All those other bagged and unbagged deposits, left behind at trailheads, slowly rot into the earth or get smeared into the snow by our grooming equipment. Not only do they present a substantial environmental health concern and make our crew’s waste removal job just that much more disgusting, but each one is a little bag of disrespect to the animals who call Round Valley home. I mean seriously, how would you like it if somebody popped a squat in your living room?
That’s why we here at MTF are happy to announce that, as the Utah town with the highest concentration of dog waste offenders, Park City has received federal funding to hunt down poopetrators. New technology developed by the Federal Bureau of Animal Waste (FBAW) uses DNA technology to test feces left on trails and match it with canine suspects. In cooperation with local veterinarians, FBAW agents match DNA data to veterinary records to discover offending dog owners.
FBAW spokesperson, Doris D. Zoltan, says, “Waste left on trails in plastic baggies is a special hazard under EPA guidelines and our agents will be laser-focused on prosecuting irresponsible dog owners who bag and drop.”
Once matched, samples and names of offenders are submitted to Summit County Justice Courts for poo-secution. Fines can run up to $10,000 per occurrence and there is no maximum fine. So, if a pet is implicated in multiple offenses, offenders may be required to draw second mortgages on Park City McMansions in order to pay fines. Under this program, Summit County Justice Courts expects to make millions.
For more detailed information, go to www.MountainTrails.org – and while you’re there, donate to support the MTF Trails Crew. It has been a heck of a winter and they could use some love!
Oh and HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!